I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
