just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
