Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
