Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
