KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
