The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
