I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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