Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Boobs are out for the taking
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
