I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
