I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
