Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
