so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And then he peed in my hair
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
