I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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