meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
