I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
