I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
