I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
