even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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