She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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