it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize