dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
