Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
