So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
