My sheets look like a crime scene.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
