R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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