What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
