Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
