tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
