I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
