I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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