How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
