Who did Billy Mays play for?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
