The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize