its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
