Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
