i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
