My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
