mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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