hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
