If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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