bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
