I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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