I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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