Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
