There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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