but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
