im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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