we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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