then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
