I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
