I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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