craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
