and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i think i just lost a toe
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
