I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
