Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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