I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
