This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
