It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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