Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
