we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Vodka?
Forever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
