You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
