My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
