I'm lost and stupid without you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
