so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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