i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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