So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
