im about as happy as oj after his trial
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All I want is dick and wine.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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