I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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