Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
