its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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