I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
