It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
