Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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