Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
