smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
