You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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