My room smells like vodka and shame
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
