I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
