She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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