Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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