the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize