I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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