So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Please don't give away my fajitas
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
