What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
