I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
