If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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