I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
