the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
