Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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