I wanna bring you to show and tell
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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