Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
