i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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