she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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