Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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