I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
