I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
