now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
